Yesterday, I went to UP Diliman for my enrollment.. The moment I dropped by the cashier, the line of those who would also pay their enrollment fees was extremely long.. And I had no choice but to fall in line..
The atmosphere was hot and humid.. not to mention the occasional breeze brushing our sweating skin.. It took me more than a hour before finally getting inside the cashier room-- the aircon room..
As I was entering the room, an old woman hurriedly overtook me in the line and got my seat.. For a moment, I was still and surprised with the way she acted.. Then I laughed to myself. After few minutes, I finally got inside and sat beside the old woman.
There were so many thoughts boggling me while sitting beside her.. Should I confront her? Should I say "Manang, may pila po.. Ang dami pong naghihintay sa labas. Mahigit isang oras po kami naghintay.. Bawal sumingit." But my mouth was shut and I couldn't utter anything.
Then suddenly, I began thinking about similar scenarios in my life.. I started questioning myself, "Catha, ganyan ka na lang ba palagi? Hindi ka na lang iimik kahit masama ang loob mo? kahit nasasaktan ka na? Manhid ka ba? Hindi ka ba magtatanong kung bakit nila ginagawa iyon sa'yo? Kikimkimin mo na lang ba lahat?"
I began having teary eyes while blankly staring at the cashier window.. contemplating on my recently broken relationship.. I answered to myself, "You never asked why.. because he didn't want to answer.. But It still hurts.."
It took me five years waiting for someone who will make me whole again.. Then, he came along unexpectedly. It was one of the best moments of my life-- to finally trust again. I didn't believe that it would happen to me for the second time.
But with just one snap of fingers.. he's gone.
If i have to be honest with myself, no one can take the place of him for a long time.
Sana masabi ko rin, "Hey, may pila.. Ang daming naghihintay sa ganito.. Mahigit limang taon akong naghintay.. Tapos, ganun lang pala.."
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